Ken Cuccinelli Sucks

I remember when Bob McDonnell got elected. I regretted not voting, and I still regret it. What I regretted even more was the dirtbag Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli ending up in office. When I found out Cuccinelli was running for governor, I puked in my mouth a bit.

Among the pathetic excuse this country has conjured up for politicians, Ken Cuccinelli is quite possibly the worst. Along the normal distribution of politicians, where the mean is "self-serving garbage," Ken Cuccinelli is two or three standard deviations away in the negative direction, "bigoted tyrant." There have been other politicians beyond this line, but they're the ones who committed genocide or something on par with it. I wouldn't say he's genocidal, but his rhetoric may stir such ambitions in his political progeny. In other words, all he seems to have going for him is that he probably isn't a mass murderer. That's not a lot.

Cuccinelli is running on a platform that probably would have been progressive about 1850. It's embarrassing for me and my state that this crackpot has been appointed to a public office. To repeat that error would be a travesty.

I'm going to spell out reasons below why Ken Cuccinelli sucks. In the past, when I tried spelling out explicitly why someone sucks, I've found often they don't suck as bad as they appear to on the surface--upon further inspection, they suck far less than they did on the surface. With Cuccinelli, I've had the opposite problem--the harder I look, the more bullshit I turn up. Then I get too mad and have to stop. That means this list isn't exhaustive because turning up all of his bullshit would be a full time job, and I already have one of those.

The Bare Breast on Your Flag

For those of you not familiar, I present to you the most badass flag in the entirety of the United States--hands down, bar none, every other state's flag is puny in comparison:

An old version of the seal was surrounded by the words "rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God." Effectively, the flag of Virginia is the end of an action movie where the Roman virtue Virtus has slain a purple-robed tyrant, a throwback to the dress of Julius Caesar who clad a purple toga when becoming Dictator for Life of Rome. It was created to contrast the bland seals of Virginia's former tyrant, England, in favor of something more ferocious.

One of the central symbols on the flag is Virtus' single bare breast. This is a symbol of both freedom and rebellion, dating back to representations of Athena and reflected later during the French revolution. Ken Cuccinelli decided to ignore all this and produce "modest" versions of the state seal.

It's ironic a man so determined to declare war on your private life would strip a symbol of freedom from the flag of Virginia, a state whose identity is defined by rebellion. It's like he missed the whole spirit of this place. Unfortunately, that doesn't curtail the extent of his fiddling, including...

Your Private Life

Want a blow job? Ken wants to put you in jail. That's right. Ken cares where you stick it.

He also flat out thinks "homosexuality is wrong." That's a direct quote. He actually said that.

Your Healthcare

I'm not a huge fan of Obamacare because it doesn't create a universal healthcare program in the United States, but it's better than nothing and a step in the right direction. Ken doesn't seem to think so--in fact, he used his position as attorney general to attempt to remove the law from the books "less than five minutes after the bill was signed."

It's really great that Ken used the resources of the Commonwealth to advance his own political agenda. I appreciate that use of my tax dollars. Very productive.

Your Science

In science, if you have a theory, you collect data in support of that theory and demonstrate that the theory describes the facts better than the previous theory--if there was one. Cuccinelli sues when he disagrees.

His actions reflect a crappy, I'm entitled to my opinion culture which denies facts determined from data collected about our world. This attitude has been increasingly used by reactionaries who are unwilling to acknowledge anything that disagrees with them, including scientific data.

All I can think of is "Those scientists better check their hypotenuses, dude:"

Even Adam is a better scientist that Cuccinelli. At least he tried to collect contrary evidence. Cuccinelli would have just sued.

The Punchline

I hope the evidence has made it clear; Cuccinelli is the product of a disgusting instinct ubiquitous amongst reactionaries to revert to the 1800's. He doesn't stand in the best interests of Virginia or America. This is the land of the free. He's forgotten that. The line must be drawn here.

Bigotry is poisonous, and attitudes like Cuccinelli's damage prosperity. It's people that think and act on the fringe who are responsible for innovation and new ideas. When the electorate of a state selects candidates that want to turn back the state of marriage equality and scientific progress, they send a clear message to the innovators--we don't want you. These are the people we need, though, to create a thriving economy, to innovate, to step out of the bounds of culture and commerce.

Between his rhetoric on healthcare, sodomy, or even the flag, it's all been mumbled before by disgruntled, obsolete reactionaries who want to maintain a status quo they benefit from. In these pursuits, he's wasted the resources of the Commonwealth to promote his partisan agenda. I know you've probably heard that sentence before; it's because this has happened before.

I'd like for his departure from office to be the end of this madness, but the man is only the face of a movement. We have to fight back.

I'd love to put together a more complete list, but I'm a busy man.

There's a chance you're one of those douchenozzles who sees here a list of reasons to support Cuccinelli. I dare you to send your complaints here; I won't read them.

This was paid for by some dude who thinks Cuccinelli is a douche. Endorsed by no candidates. I'm not even going to endorse anyone here.